Lost without a clue - Arvind

Arvind was born in a small lazy town called Zaheerabad. It had all that a town needs to have. Born in a middle class home, he could not have all that he wants. From schooldays itself, his parents told him, the purpose of his life is to become an engineer. They narrated the days of drought and hunger they faced, before they made it in life. What we have today is the result of back breaking work. They want him to have better life. They concluded that the only way to be happy in life is to study hard, find a well paying profession, build a home and have some money deposited in bank. If Arvind does that, it would be make them happy. So Arvind made it his goal, to keep his parents happy.

He worked hard at his education. Stayed up in the nights and finished all assignments, wrote his exams well, or so he thought. The problem with Arvind is that he is an average student. No matter how much he tried to keep up with his fellow students, the results were always average. His parents really discontented, they blamed his for not doing enough. So, he worked harder, but nothing about his subjects gets into his head. His heart was somewhere.

He found that he a knack for painting things around him. Every time he sees a painting, his heart longs to feel it, his mind fills with vivid pictures, sceneries, which he would like to paint. His fingers would twitch at the thought of art. He tried to explain his feelings to his parents. They thought it was silly, they were not too happy about it. Which fool would make painting as his profession, they asked him. He needs to concentrate on studies instead of day dreaming, they warned him.

So, he snubbed his passion, and tried to put his mind on getting through engineering. He needed to clear pre university exam and write an entrance for engineering. He got through the former but flunked the later. His parents felt all their dreams and hopes are now crushed, they blamed it on his waywardness and his foolish desire to become a painter.

He knew he was not achieving his goal of keeping them happy. But what can he do? He is just not into math’s or physics. He declared its time for him to pursue his dream. All he did till this point of his life is to please his parents, find their approval, and experience their love as they accept him just as he is. He did everything he can to gain it but never actually achieving it.

Arvind moved to Hyderabad, a city 100 kms away. He thought in the city he can find a foothold for his dreams. Finding admission in an arts college was easy, but existing in a city for three years was difficult. So he did odd jobs to keep himself going while pursuing his dream. The sad looks of his parents, filled with resentment and disgust, still haunt him. He failed them, now he needs to make it up to them. By becoming a renowned artist, earning wealth, he thought he can.

The world of art is small, in that the community of art patrons is minuscule. These patrons are high profilers; they are not accessible for normal people like him. If you need to be recognized as an artist, you need to be artist par excellence or at least a man of influence. Great artists need patience to be recognized and accepted. That is one thing he can’t afford, time. He needs to prove his parents wrong, so after the graduation he moved from place to place and person to person to get his paintings recognized. None had time for him, or thought he is just an amateur and needs time for growth.

For five years, he painted, stalked galleries, few were accepted, most rejected. He wondered, whether his parents were right. May be this was not what he was made to do, may be something else. There are no cheerleaders around; parents practically gave up on him. Pain of being a loser is haunting him. For a few days he juggled with the idea of going back home. With what face he can go back? Empty handed, sense of shame? Even if he returns, will his parents ever accept him?

Finally he decided, he can’t survive in the city any more. He headed home. His parents did allow him, but not before lecturing him on, he should have listened to them. His father found a job for him at a municipal office, said that’s all he can do for him. He better settle down. Arvind accepted it; at least his parents took him back. He will work hard and earn money and make his parents happy.

He soon realized though his parents allowed him back home; they always carried a sense of reminder with them, about how he failed them. Arvind wonders everyday, when will he make his parents happy? When will they accept him just as he and show some love? Will he ever find a meaning for his life?

In some lives, questions are never answered, until they find love.

“One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.” - Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), L'Envoi, 1882

Lost without a clue - 2

Life without a purpose either makes a person to loose all hope or loose all decency. Unfortunately for her, it was the later. She was the personification of vulgarity.

Her life was a complete mess. Well, through a series of bad choices, she ended up where she is now. She is a prostitute, whether by profession or by nature itself, is a mystery. Gomer was her name. Except for her father’s name, no one knows anything about her past. Who wants to know!!!!, when she has a gorgeous body to offer for a price.

Life probably has been cruel to her, so she learned from life and became cruel. There no more morals or values in her, no more principle to guide her. She got rid of them long ago. Why did she become a tramp is a question left unanswered. Whatever the reasons were, she did make a choice to become one.

It might have started with a pursuit of to finds love, only to wind up with a wrong lover. That one used her and left with a mark on her soul. In order to wipe away the stain, she decked herself with rings and jewelry and went after more lovers. Through a chain of heart breaks, string of relationships, faltering choices, she became who she is today. People forgot her name, they now know her as an adulterer, a tramp, pervert, harlot and a floozy.

In retrospect, isn’t that many of us lost our original names too. People call us with different names now. A cheat, scoundrel, addict, useless, thief, jerk, fool and list can go on.

Gomer does not care about it any more. Her soul became stone hard. If the world is going to pitiless, so shall she be. Everybody talks about her. Men whisper among themselves about their adventures with her, Women gossip about her cheap character. Everybody stares at her. Men measuring her body with their eyes, women with resentment and rage in their eyes. But nothing really bothers her any more, except somewhere in the corner of her heart, a haunting sense of impoverishment.

Gomer is a common name. In the Bible there are only two Gomers. One a male and the other is a female. The name in Hebrew language means ‘Completion’. What an oxymoron, her life is anything but complete! Deep within we also know that we are incomplete. From the exterior we look we are cheerful, the world around thinks we are blissful. But internally our souls are experiencing desiccation, a sense of dryness. We are searching for ways to break this mould, in which we are stuck, hunting for someone or something to set us free from this hell.

For Gomer, what started off as a single act of pleasing the lover has slowly curved into a source of luxury, which now became her Achilles' heel. Her body is addicted to sex, its like a drug that needs to be injected into her veins. She does not like it any more than we do, no prostitute is happy with her profession. She wants to change, she needs a change, but her flesh just would not listen. It craves for gratification. At the sight of men, especially men with loads of wealth, it pounds on to them like a hungry hyena.

The state of being obsessed with something is familiar to all of us. The cravings to pursue that which we really want to get rid of; the thirst for the unexplored and unknown is proverbial in our lives. Flesh is uncontrollable; it ignores the warnings of the mind. Reason fails to convince and we gleefully beg after that which destroys our soul.

While Gomer’s body pursues the forbidden, her spirit became senseless. Dry, parched and a desert likeness saturate her spirit now. She does not know where her life is going, its not that she care about it. She had no agenda, no purpose no sense of direction, no value for life. She is lost with out a clue.

Lost without a clue

The Quality of a journey depends on the knowledge of the destiny. Any journey which began without a proper destination in mind, can drift from its path easily and be lost without a clue.

Our lives are often compared to journeys. Each one is on a journey to somewhere. Many do not know where they are going; some think that they know, while a rare group of people actually know their destination. At heart, many of us recognize the fact that in the chaos of life’s bustle, we have lost our way without a clue.

Any journey began on the basis of a misinformation leads people into a maze called Street Jam. Looking from where you are, there are too many streets, multiple signboards, and flood of voices calling out to you that this is the right path. Every street looks correct, every signboard displays seemingly right information and every voice exudes positivity. Stranded in this street jam, we wonder which way to go?

Some, who began on a positive note, are caught in the web of lies along the way. Some of which are self spun. It would have started with one small lie, may be to avoid a particular situation or an irritating person, but subtly it spun around the throat so thick, now it is hard even to breathe. Intensely entangled, unable to move, hurting, we are lost without a clue.

The familiarity of the voice that comes from the deepest part of a person’s soul, who is enslaved, is crystal clear to all of us, because we ourselves have screamed it out many times. It says, “Help me…I am lost”. The eternal search for redemption from this slavery is universal.

Lured by the mysterious pleasure of sexuality, enslaved by pornography or adultery; Attracted by the adventure of an alternate lifestyle, stuck in homosexuality; a slight bend towards peer pressure, imprisoned by an addiction; tasting the success of smooth talk, losing the character in the process; succumbed by a feel of triumph, entangled in a string of relationships, this is the story of many lives. It could be as true as yours.

Being without a clue as to where to go, could be the most dangerous place to be in a voyage. Lostness has a way of taking away intrinsic value of an individual. It takes away the drive to enjoy the pleasures of life, feeling of being robbed and a state of vulnerability sets in. Purposelessness engulfs the very core of our soul. A lost person moves to the point of questioning his very existence. People who are clueless suffer with identity loss, they feel worthless, cornered and loss of value for their lives. Life is now insignificant because there is no rationale to live for.

“Purpose is what gives life a meaning” – Charles H Perkhurst.