Unlearn the ‘I Know’ Attitude

In his book, ‘Winning with People’, John Maxwell talks about different kinds of learning attitudes. He says there are basically three types of attitudes: arrogant, naive and teachable. All of us posses one of these attitudes. The Arrogant people think they don't need to learn anything from anyone. Naive people believe only one person can teach them everything, while the teachable people learn from every one and every thing that is around them. He concludes that the people who make an impact on others around them are those who are teachable. I strongly believe he expressed it perfectly.

As we get familiar with stories and lessons of heroic acts we tend to believe that we know it all. That gives birth to indifference which ultimately leads to an ‘I Know it all’ attitude. The other name for this kind of attitude is Pride. (More on this please read – Indifference)

‘I Know it all’ is Dangerous

There is an old saying, “Pride comes before fall”. When a person begins to believe that he knows everything that there is to know, he has taken the path of self-destruction. This attitude is dangerous as it produces damaging results. For starters, it blinds us from all truth. We are shut from any new revelations or further knowledge and this stunts our over all personal growth. Have you not seen those who reached certain positions in their lives, begin to behave as if they don't need anyone to tell them anything any more? What they don’t realize is that this attitude actually hurts them more. This kind of attitude keeps us in the same place we are in now and we don't grow to newer heights. Another danger is that we end up making the same mistakes all over. Since we are not open to learn, and we believe that we know everything and that everything we are doing is perfect and right, we become blind to our own mistakes. We continue to flunk again and again, and not able to figure out what’s wrong. The most damaging aspect is that we strain our relations with others. We need to understand that we can’t survive in this world alone. You can’t change that truth. And our arrogant attitude hurts our relationships. When we begin to behave as if we don’t need others, misunderstandings take birth, egos get clashed, people begin distance themselves from us and relationships crash.

Truth is we are not born with this attitude, we all have learnt it. Hence the good news is we can unlearn it. Getting rid of ‘I Know’ attitude is possible if we are willing to ‘pay attention’. Willingness to listen helps us to become teachable.

Pay Attention

The most difficult part in unlearning process is to agree that we are arrogant. People don't agree they are full of pride, they rationalize, minimize or deny it. So it takes honesty to have a real look at your ‘self’ and come to terms with your attitude. When a person can agree that he has been prideful, then it is easy for him become a learner.

Once an argument broke out between the disciples of Jesus. It was on who can is the greatest among them. Since they could not come to a conclusion (which is obvious) they came to Jesus for solution. At that time, Jesus was surrounded by many people who came to listen to Him, and there were also children. Jesus then called one child to Him, and made the kid stand in the middle of all these people and disciples and said “Unless you become like this child, you will not be the greatest”. Now that’s a radical thought!

I believe, Jesus laid down an amazing principle there, for unlearning our pride. He introduced a relation between a child and being great. Children are simple characters. They are vulnerable therefore teachable. They don't have false pretences so they are open to learn. They don't have any prejudices and so they are willing to learn, and learn from anyone. That attitude definitely leads to growth. Jesus is not suggesting us to become childish, that would be ridiculous, instead he is asking us be childlike. Open, vulnerable, willing and honest.

Many times even though we do want to learn, we don’t listen to the message, because we are prejudiced against the messenger. We assume only those who are older, smarter and  experienced than us will be able to teach us. That’s not true. Anyone can teach us if we are willing to learn.

Everything around us has something to offer. Life has a knack of teaching us even through simple and trivial incidents and circumstances.  Everyone around us has some value to add to our lives. Whether a positive or a negative lesson. We need to first accept and believe one important truth. “EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD IS UNIQUE”. There is no other person like you in this entire world.

Psychologists divide people generally into two or four categories, based on their personality or temperamental traits. People are either extroverts or introverts. They are either Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Melancholic, or Choleric. But even psychologists agree that no two persons can have the same personality, they can have similar personalities but not the same. Truth is most of our personality traits overlap into two or more other personality types. One particular trait can be dominant, but we also have other traits mixed in us. That makes each one different from others. We are unique. Even though two people can fall into the type of Melancholic, they very much unique from each other. They might think, behave or talk similar, but not same. They are not clones, but are unique.

You are a unique person, there is no one like you in the entire world. You have a special purpose for your life. Your existence has a definite objective. You contribution to this world is distinctive, no one can give what you can offer. It’s the same with every one in this world. Every one can teach something, they can add value to our lives. Once we understand this truth, learning becomes easier and joyful for us. In fact it turns into a pleasure.

 False Humility and true meekness

No matter how good we think we are, we all have our own weaknesses. We might possess great talents, skills and strengths but there is no person with out a weakness.  We generally try to cover our weak area with our strong areas. We don’t want people to point that out to us and we like to keep it under wraps. We want people to look at our greatness and talk about it than to look at our flaws. Hence we work harder and harder to make strengths stronger and smarter, in the process we develop ‘pride’ in ourselves. That’s when we cease to grow.

What each of us need to learn is, we are not as smart as we think we are, there is always something we can learn to grow. In fact those who never stop learning are the one’s who never stop growing.

I am not suggesting we develop false humility. That is we think less of ourselves or act as if we are humble. That’s absurd and actually irritating. Have you ever met a guy who acts as if he is really nice and good guy, and that he is a great listener, when we know in reality he is a complete opposite.  It’s a foxy and hypocritical attitude. We need to be secure in our knowledge, be confident of out talents and skills, but at the same time we need to recognize the truth that everyone can contribute something valuable to our lives. That is true meekness, in other words it is being teachable.

Phillip Brooks writes: "The true way to be humble is not to stoop till you are smaller than yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that shall show you the real smallness of your greatest greatness."  We need to be people with a heart of humility, and that involves courage, faith, honesty, maturity, and a thirst for what is real.

Next post we will look at Risking a failure. Till then ciao.

Where do we lose the battle? - Indifference

(continued from - Loss of Wonder)

Being the pastor of a church, gives me the luxury for meeting various types of people every week. Those who are passionate about life and God, those who are new and nervous, those who drag themselves around and then there are those who are simply indifferent.

In my observation, I found it strange that indifferent people are often more knowledgeable. They practically know the Bible inside out. Usually, it would take a week’s time to think through and prepare my forty minute sermon. The pattern of reaction from people after a sermon is almost always same. Passionate people will say, amazing thoughts; others will offer new perspectives, some will suggest preaching techniques and some will walk around as if nothing new has been said. These are the ones I call indifferent.

Try asking them about the sermon, they enter into a discussion that kind of gives us feeling that they already know what was spoken, and they might even add few more details. I call it the ‘I KNOW’ attitude. I often wonder how a person reaches this stage. There is an old aphorism, “Familiarity breeds contempt”; in this case, “familiarity breeds indifference”.

Our desire to learn from some brave act takes a big dent as we become more and more familiar with that event. That is the danger in repetition; it breeds indifference in few people. Once they are familiar with a story and its details, the inclination is to think ‘I Know about it all already’, and every time that story gets repeated we switch off our minds and pay no attention.  

What grows out of this attitude is pride. Though this trait may not be the choice of the person, it is what develops. If someone thinks that he knows it all, then chances are that he is never going learn anything from anyone. Unfortunately some people take that road deliberately or it just grows into them. That leaves them growth-less, fruitless and blind. Pride eats away our desire to learn and grow.

If familiarity gives birth to pride and weakens our desire to learn, then failure can wither our resolution to follow the footsteps of our heroes. Hitting a wall in an endeavor to chase lions can spell death to our resolutions.

We shall discuss…

Should We or Not? - Stories - Heroes

Few days back Josh, a friend of mine, posted an intriguing comment on his facebook page. “How long do we read about people like David, Benaiah, and Peter and feel good about what they did? Aren’t we called to be part of that league? Let's do something "worth His calling" with our life!”

Honestly, this comment has a resounding truth in it. Whether he made it with an encouraging tone or exasperated tone, it is something worth pondering. We can’t sit on our own comfortable chairs and do the ‘bhajans’ of those who chased lions all our lives; and yet at the same time shriek away from our own lions. Sooner or later we will inevitably get bored of listening to the same story and there is always a lurking danger of developing indifference towards those courageous acts of our heroes.

Therefore our primary question is, should we or should we not listen to the stories of heroes of the Bible?

In my personal opinion, the courageous acts of yesterday’s heroes are inspirations for today’s generation. They become useful if we ‘learn’ from them, they are useless if we just ‘listen’ to them.

Reading or listening to monumental acts of Benaiah, three thousand years ago, can bring a sense of amazement and a sense of incredulity. One man single handed chases a lion on a snowy day into a pit and kills it, with or without weapon. The story has a ‘too good to be true’ ring to it. And yet it is a true incident. A boy takes on a giant, four times taller and heavier, with a sling and a stone; a fisher man walks on water; three young men walk into a fiery furnace and walk out without a scratch. All these stories are unbelievable, but they are true, historical and authentic. No matter how many times we talk about them, they are still going to cause some wonder in some body at some point of recollection.

Psychologists say, a person needs to hear at least sixteen times for anything to turn into a belief. Therefore repetition is necessary. That is the reason, we repeatedly hear and learn the same things over and over again in different ways from the time we join nursery till we graduate from a university. My point is, not only we need to consider what our heroes have done in past but we must also hear them frequently.

Hearing these courageous acts of past has its own advantages, first of all we will always find some revelation of the character of God; we also find inspiration from them to face our own horrors; we might even end up learning few tricks for ourselves in lion hunting. Virtues like faith, courage, patience and honor are always present. These heroes will pop into our minds at right moments to fill us with hope. They are definitely beneficial and valuable.

I strongly believe there are also certain disadvantages, let me put them in simple terms. By hearing heroic stories repeatedly, our sense of wonder diminishes; our desire to learn from them weakens and our resolution to imitate them withers away over time.

So, I think the question is not really, should we or should we not talk about past heroes, or how many times are we suppose to talk about them. But the real question is, are we learning or just listening?

I plan to explore on the reasons behind these loses and find some practical solution for our predicament in the next installment.